Mano-a-Mano: A Letter to Mark Driscoll
Dear Pastor Mark Driscoll,
First off, I want to acknowledge that I don’t know you personally, and I have never attended your church. Most of what I know of you is based on a small handful of your sermons and statements. You and your ministry are surely nuanced and complicated, but this is how a casual viewer perceives you.
When I was in high school, I was called “faggot.” A lot. Walking down the hallways, it wasn’t rare to hear, “Queer!” before being shoved against a locker.
You can probably imagine the guys responsible—macho, rural bruisers who road four-wheelers, played on the football team and dated the cheerleaders.
I was not one of them. I was likely what you, Pastor Driscoll, refer to as “effeminate.”
For whatever it’s worth, I am straight. I’ve been married for five years. I’m a modest sports fan—although one of my favorite sports is tennis, so that might not count for you—and I write this during a break from building a fence in my backyard.
However, I have always been on the outside of the Dude’s Club. When I was a teenager, I chose theater and choir instead of sports. My tendencies were never macho. My time was spent listening to David Bowie, Lou Reed and Rufus Wainwright. To this day, I don’t understand the appeal of Michael Bay or professional wrestling. Even my mother-in-law calls me “prissy.”
But in church I found solace. When I was 13, I met a youth pastor who believed in me. He and his church were patient, kind and celebrated the fact that I was a bit different. Having a musical background, the church found a place for me. Throughout my teen years, I led worship music at several churches, camps and various Christian events. It was a place of belonging for me.
But enough about me.
You obviously have a heart to lead men. I really respect that. However, I fear that in your desire to appeal to “manly men,” you have over-corrected and often engage in the ugly parts of that “macho” culture. Furthermore, you have confused cultural norms for Gospel truth. Demographically, white American Christians are still very conservative and from less urban areas. This is still a very masculine demographic.
The Church has been terrible to gays and lesbians. You have surely spent enough time talking with gay people in your community to know that the image of Christians tends to be a hateful one. In the same way that you want church culture to be more welcoming to blue-collar dudes, it also needs to be more welcoming to the gay and lesbian community. Your language—most recently including your Facebook post about “effeminate anatomically male worship leaders”—doesn’t help this. I am NOT calling you a misogynist or a homophob. I’m simply suggesting that you reconsider how your words and actions are perceived.
Your language is not only hurtful to gay men. It is hurtful to many straight men. As a man who has always been intimidated by more traditionally masculine men, your words tell me that I am not welcome in your church or among your friends.
Over the years, I have fallen away from the church. Recently, however, I have been longing to reengage. As a look for a new church, I need one that is welcome to all men—no matter how masculine.
When you put out a call on Facebook for people verbally attack “effeminate anatomically male” men, I find myself back in high school—shoved against a locker, with the bullies calling me a faggot.
Your move, Driscoll.
But in church I found solace. When I was 13, I met a youth pastor who believed in me. He and his church were patient, kind and celebrated the fact that I was a bit different. Having a musical background, the church found a place for me. Throughout my teen years, I led worship music at several churches, camps and various Christian events. It was a place of belonging for me.
I guess this is particularly dear to me because one of my best friends was considered “effeminate” too. He had a high voice and liked to go shopping. He’d rather hang out with girls and drink coffee and watch chick flicks than hang out with the guys or do other “manly” things. I think the four years he spent going to my “Christian” school was his worst since everyone picked on him just as they picked on this man when he was in school. Please realize that all people are different. Just as some girls are more “tomboy” than “girly” some men don’t fit the “manly” stereotype, but it doesn’t make them any less a man.
(via romanticcatholicism)
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